4 Tips To Overcome Bitterness: The Grapefruit In Our Love Life; Exchanging For A Sweeter Taste

The Grapefruit In Our Love Life; Bitterness, Exchanging For A Sweeter Taste

: 4 Tips Utilized To Overcome Bitterness


Introduction

I remember writing blog post late 2012. I reread the post recently and discovered a unique sense of bitterness as I discussed my previous relationship. I say unique, as mentally at the time, I really could not fathom how scarred I really was from my prior relationship. Furthermore, I had not analyzed my wrongs with in the relationship to fix them for the next relationship. So what’s happens at this point, we bring the same negative behaviors to the next relationship and the cycle repeats itself, in which holds us down from any prosperity within any potential relationships. I begin to think about life and what direction would I like to go after a couple of failed relationships.  I wanted to share a few thoughts on what help me overcome some of my bitterness about my prior relationships.

Bitterness is a cancer that eats away our soul. More times that none we lose sight of our ultimate goals or our relationship because of the mental block baring us from our own negative behaviors within our relationships. We don’t look at the person in mirror with any fault. We would rather choose to blame another person, than work on our own faults in preparation for our next relationship. Love can be painful, as we experience a direct connection with a person, and actions executed by that person have the ability to uplift our spirits or desolate our nature.

 

  1. Forgiveness 

Forgiving Others As Well As Myself For My Actions

 

Bitterness and Love
Check the book from Dave Willis

I had to focus and concentrate on forgiveness. I had to forgive the person who I felt done me wrong, but more importantly I had to forgive myself for all my negative actions conducted in the situation. Internally, I really condoned my behavior, but deeply I was mad at myself for contributing to the failure of my relationship. The repercussion of my behavior was dissipating for my self-esteem.   Forgiveness was critical for me to move forward for future relationships. As humans, subconsciously we feel guilty even if we display other overt behaviors like life is just peachy without the person. We want to feel love regardless of how hard of a person we portray. The hardest rock is smooth inside and after the ocean washes everything away you can feel the smoothest texture. We could act as if the demise of our relationships, does not bother our souls, but deep down inside our feelings are our own and we can only change our feeling with some sort of reconcile among ourselves. Finding a way to forgive ourselves, helps develop a means to trust other people. Saying sorry genuinely helps a person and yourself start the process of forgiveness. Working separately to define our own faults help build a better foundation for repair for future relationships.

 

  1. Realization of Self-actions

Realizing How Our Actions Inflicted Impact Our Relationships

I was looking at the entirety of each one of my relationships and the repeated offenses in which kept causing problems in my relationships. This aspect of being bitter, I had not realized was causing animosity between each of my next relationships. I had to realize my actions and how they impacted each forthcoming relationship.

How can I sit around and talk about the old woman who done me wrong? Why would I punish a new person for some stuff the old one done to me?  Why would I repeat the same actions from the prior relationship, as I knew it was creating drama? One person say you wrong, you might have a case to argue, but ten women tell you something in a similar form, you have to start evaluating. We as men believe we are flawless. We believe we have infinite strength with ego and the more women who provide compliments; the more the ego turns into a compulsive, irrational attitude unbearable for a relationship. Trust me, I speak from experience. Before manhood, a scheme is presented to us as adolescence. The more women you have, the cooler you are to your peers. It’s up to a real man to teach us the difference at this point. What happens, is a disconnect forms without any guidance and the behaviors become a part of a lifestyle. As the lifestyle continues on, more and more women come into the lifestyle looking for love, and eventually gets hurt, because the man does not even realize how to correct the behaviors.

Then, life presents itself, and those friends we are trying to be cool for finds a way of showing us how much they really care in comparison to the woman who loves us deeply. Also, the multiple women who say they love, find a way to separate themselves, as the woman who truly loves will find a way to remain. I had a serious situation occur which will be discussed at a later time but, when I picked up my phone, with over 350 contacts, I literally could think of one woman next to my mom I could call on. When life gets real, we then see the difference and why a specific woman tailored for our existence, for our soul is needed to prosper in life. I want to remain on the topic of bitterness and how to overcome bitterness, as we know it.

3.Down To The Bone

Getting Dow To the Meat Of The Problems By Stripping Ones’s Self Down The Bare Minimum

Let’s strip ourselves down to the bare minimum. The necessities of life are all we need to survive. Food and shelter are for survival purposes. Love is a luxury in which we should value over entitlement. It’s not guaranteed for us to find love from a person whom we want in life. Breaking down to the bare minimum creates an appreciation for every blessing delivered to us in life. Sometimes life will do this for you, but winning all the time you will find that everybody in your space is not meant to be there. Their position in your life is for a season or a reason and when the purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on with life. People come to teach you lessons. Even the bad experiences still teach us, if we are willing to learn. The lesson can be such a positive, if we choose to accept it in its rawest form. Now if we repeat the same behavior over and over we obviously should not be looking for love and be straight up with whomever we meet. If we are not willing to correct our self we should stay in our lanes until we can manage interaction with another being on this earth.

4. “Time to Heal”

Time To Heal Is Critical For Success in Future Relationships

Giving ourselves time to heal may be the most important aspect of them all next to forgivingness. Many times, because we jump from one relationship to the next without taking the time to work on ourselves, as we are so eager to find companionship, we lose the opportunity to really discover how we can be effective, encouraging, and uplifting to the next people who come in our life. It’s levels of closeness. I try to provide feelings that are self-reciprocating. We have to be selfless in our relationships, but that don’t mean we have to be selfless immediately. Let the time heal the emotional wounds before hopping in emotionally with someone else. Realizing, we are all human beings and far from perfect. We have to learn each new individual in our life. It takes time. How much time, depends upon the person and how they view life. Are they an optimistic type person, more than likely they will find a good in the reality and develop a way to overcome the negative actions done to them? Are they a person who lacks self-confidence? More than likely they will hold on to the situation from before, because they don’t feel like they will be able to get another. Its many determining factors in which prevent us from never overcoming bitterness from our prior relationships. I had women come and tell me from 15 years ago about a time in life, which impacted their entire course of life. I had to forgive myself from some of actions committed emotionally scarring women from back then until now. I try to blame it on my youth, but truthfully it was a wrong way of thinking, taught to me by more youth, in which I accepted as truth at the time.  We still have to find a moment to uplift ourselves into prominence of our future.

Conclusion

Sorry to be so long winded? I was asked to speak on this topic and wanted to fulfill the request of the people reading this blog. Love is a fantasy, so we believe, as reality of failed relationships, loses all its innocence. The arguments, the infidelity, the lies, the deceit all create a rational around love where we literally lose belief that love is accomplishable, let alone a flourishing relationship. We still have to remain positive. Billions of people in the world fitting together in the biggest puzzle of life, the probability is in our favor to find one person who completes us internally.  Until next time, leave a comment below answering the question below.


Are there any other ways, you guys have found that work for overcoming bitterness?

 

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#ikeellis #LoveonFire #Bitterness #overcome #grapefruitinlovelife
Also visit other post
How Do You Feel Negative Interactions In Adolescent Years Impact Your Current Relationships?
Security Versus Love, What Is Your Choice? Are We Asking Ourselves About Love Or How Large Is The Bank Account?

 

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7 Comments

  1. I’m not one to be bitter after failed relationships or for any reason and it is because I choose not to waste time on a negative emotion. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve displayed resentment toward a boyfriend DURING the relationship, but it never led me to behave with bitterness. I’m known to think positively about a boyfriend I’ve resented. I appreciate the flaws and failures to keep me from becoming bitter or focusing on the resentment and to maintain humility, which is necessary for healthy healing.

    Most importantly, I stop talking to them. No communication whatsoever. What’s the point? So they can continue to piss you off and control your emotions? No thanks! It takes 2 to be in a relationship and both parties are flawed. If my relationship fails, instead of being bitter I always choose to improve myself. Everyone carries similar relationship behaviors but no 2 people are the same. It’s silly to blame the new because of what the old has done. Learn from your mistakes, know what you’re willing to live with during a relationship, and move on.

    1. Yea when the bitterness is let go, the ability to control emotions is minimized. We can’t let any one from our past to have control over our emotions, as it reduces the chance for ever finding someone who really do want to be in our life. I appreciate you comment and sharing your thoughts Veronica. How do you feel about the blame game and accountability in our relationships?

  2. “Love is a luxury in which we should value over entitlement”….soooo what do you mean with this statement?? Love a luxury…idk

    1. Love is not automatically granted just because we are with a person. A person can be with one and say they love, but don’t show any love the entire relationship. We have to appreciate the fact when someone actually show’s us love and for that it’s a luxury to me. Even our own parents don’t have to show us love. We should appreciate the love over being entitled as it’s not automatically granted from another human being. Thank you for your post free, we appreciate your efforts and engagement.
      #loveonfire

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