Security Versus Love, What Is Your Choice? Are We Asking Ourselves About Love Or How Large Is The Bank Account?


Are We Asking Ourselves About Love Or How Large Is The Bank Account? Security Versus Love, What Is Your Choice?

Who will be the love of our life seems to fall at the forefront of our minds, yet we seldom make decisions based on who we may love, rather whom we may enjoy a stable, secure, and protected future. Are we asking ourselves about love or how large is the bank account? Are we asking about trust or can we manage the bills each month? It’s nothing extravagant about growing up poor, even more so about being a poor man who cannot take care of his family, so it is completely understandable why financial earnings are important while determining our relationships with an individual. How important is the money in the relationship?  We focus on the nice shoes, attractive cars, big money, in an attempt to attract the woman of our dreams, and find the thought process only attracts particular individuals in which limits our growth and prosperity. We find the money is worthless, if no compassion and love exists to hold the relationship together.


I often wonder, as a man, how important is security compared to love in a relationship?

How can we grow in a relationship, if our goals are limited to a flashy way of living with no sense of stability? We suppose to own homes right? We suppose own land right? How can we acquire these things if we are wasting our money on items that depreciate in value as soon as we buy them? It’s not that we buy the items per se, but the reason we are buying these items.   I often wonder, as a man, how important is security compared to love in a relationship. Relationships are suppose to be about love, trust, loyalty, faithfulness, devotion, commitment, truthfulness, and the list can go on with words we often disregard when we first connect with a potential love of our life. It’s nothing to say, whoo she got a phat ass, oooh she sexy as ever, with no real rational to ever develop a sensible relationship with her. Im asking questions these day what is her credit like? Do she pay her taxes? How many kids do she have? All still not really considering love as each one of those questions impacts our financial standing within the relationship versus the foundation of love in the relationship.


The man dedicated to living life like a movie……

Even as a man, I looked at women with questions, which could fulfill my society driven, egotistical, fabricated standard. Subconsciously, so many movies have engrained in my mind to what my relationships should revolve around. For example, the true meaning of love within a relationship became lost as I truly expected things outside of reality and based my potential relationships on how Janet Jackson and Tupac appeared  in “Poetic

Justice”.  Or maybe I could live a life like Bill Bellamy in “How to be a Player” and have multiple woman. So many women, I can’t even keep track of them all, but still show love to them. I ask myself, how could you possibly show love to more than one woman? I had to fight a deep subconscious mind and develop a keen sense of reality, and realize what’s really important when it comes to relationships in its entirety.

 

 

 

 


Do we value security over love?

Through constant analytical processing, I have come to realize, humans are in search of security. I have also come to grasp, the security provided develops from the foundation of love within the relationship. Just because a man have money don’t mean he will spend on a woman. He has to love her before he drops some serious money in her hand. I have heard stories where, the man spent $3000 on every feature on his car, but fight daily to not pay his child support because he really don’t want the woman to have the money. I have heard stories of woman who fall in love with a man for the wrong reason, only to find out the financial stability did not equate to the love provided by the man who not as financially stable. I have heard stories of woman who fall in love because the sex was phenomenal only to realize the sex was provided for more women the she could ever imagine. This is post is not say that just because he is a man he will cheat, or because he has money he will not provide love, rather to analyze why we are falling for a particular person. What traits are important to ourselves for establishing a meaningful relationship without wasting each other’s time?

In conclusion…….

I’m asking these questions hypothetically, as I have evaluated them over and over in my mind with an attempt to rationalize my past behaviors within my previous relationships. I think about each negative behavior within my relationships prior and how I could have maneuvered differently to produce a better outcome. I made conscious decisions to deliberately sabotage relationships because I didn’t want to be married at the time to some pretty prominent women in my past. It’s been multiple woman who may been the one for my future, but was lost because I was not willing to commit to the excellence of the relationship. I want to end this post with a question, do we value the love and meaning of a relationship enough to base our decisions on whom our potential relationship will develop or will the financial security continue to be our driving force of determining our potential relationships?

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5 Comments

  1. First let me start by saying I appreciate this conversation that you have presented…..and I’ll be very brief! There’s a very thin line between love and security and how people value each when it comes to their preferred relationships. For me love and security go hand in hand. A relationship is driven by both. If you don’t love me, it’s a problem and if we aren’t financially stable, it’s a problem. However at times, love may have the upper hand over security and vice versa. When we as women sit down and write out our list of the “Perfect Man”, we want characteristics that exemplify love and security equally. We all know that there’s no such thing as “Perfect”. Therefore when we begin to date, we begin to see a combination of things and decide, at some point, what we can and can’t handle or tolerate in a mate. Let’s say a single mom who works often and is very independent. She may be looking for a true companion who shares her love of rare art and fine dining bc she’s financially secure already vs a young woman who’s had a ton of bad luck in life and is currently rebuilding. Her focus may be more on the security side of things bc she needs to get stable. Neither of these women are dismissing security nor love within the relationship they are seeking but they are holding one higher than the other due to their current life situation. And may I add, there’s NOTHING wrong with that. Then there’s always those who are gold diggers and want security and not love. Those ppl usually have had a traumatic experience and has decided to numb themselves romantically as a defense mechanism. 9 times out of 10, they usually snap out of it when someone strong enough comes around to break the barriers. On the other hand, there are also those die hard love struck hopeless romantics, who care nothing about finances. They are usually the ones who are hurt the most and become gold diggers……but the majority of the population want both love and security and can usually find a good balance between the 2!! I honestly do not feel money is the driving force….however, I will agree it plays a big role in the beginning bc both parties are trying to impress the other……but soon realize it’s not necessary and they begin to truly love that person. This is the reason couples who have had long term relationships often accuse their mate of “changing” after a certain length of time. At the end of the day…..nobody wants to be broke and struggling nor do they want a loveless relationship. #My2Cents — Mrs. Ojo

    OAN: What are the Do’s and Don’t’s when it comes to a woman pursuing a man?? From asking him on that initial date to proposing marriage. Is it frowned upon or accepted now a days??

    1. Very brief huh, I love it though. Grateful for the response. Let’s see if I can come conceptualize all of this for the men brains out here. It’s a lot going on in this post. It’s respectable for love and security to compliment each other as two people progress together. Definitely not for a broke joker , which I could agree with that all the way. We want to know what will the mate bring to the table, if we are going to be giving our all to the table. So you are saying that thier current situation in life dictates their decision versus the actual idea of financial security and love itself. I can respect those thoughts as well. It makes perfect sense, to move in a manner to try to build from the decisions made, versus losing in life over and over from a poor choice of a significant other. Question about strength however , because I have been strong enough for some , but not patient enough to continue to build which was detrimental for the relationship ultimately causing the demise of it all.

      The side not I will replay with a complete post. We going to keep it going. Appreciate the insight, as I learn each time a woman responds , because we as men do not know none of this stuff. It puts multiple things about each perspective of men and woman for me. More to come soon!!! Thank you for you comment .

      1. I thought about that “brief” comment after I finished……LOL!! Not brief at all! Sorry about that……but I love these opportunities to express my opinion and your responses.

  2. In order to value love in a relationship, you have to value self. Self-persevation is an important trait to value. Why? Because as long as your valuing yourself, you’ll bring that same effort into the relationship. Effortlessness, the relationship will build into what it needs to potentially grow. Ultimately if you love yourself enough and value yourself enough you’ll meet your match, which falls into your next question regarding financial security. If you love yourself enough,you want what’s best for you and as well as your significant other. If not, you’ll settle for anything, which may lead into the category of financial security, which sooner or later will lead to the driving force that’ll determine the potential of a relationship. However; finances shouldn’t ever determine the potential of a relationship. The two that are involved should determine that outcome. Finances should just be a plus.
    Best, Victoria Daniel

    1. This is an exceptional rational, as I didn’t process the aspect of financial security in that regard. It’s not that you we are being selfish, but actually loving ourselves enough not to settle for what would not benefit our life and happiness. It’s more than a materialistic value, but actually a internal uplifting value for progress for the two parties involved. I definitely appreciate you thoughts and post. The world is grateful . Stay tuned for more topics as we break these ideas down for us all to grow within our own relationships around the world. 💪🏿💪🏿

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